Merry Christmas Time.....

When your heart feels heavy, you have to stop and listen to it, I haven't. For a good week now when the opportunity appeared I ignored it, I pretended like I didn't hear it and for that I've paid. Today is a foggy, dreary day here in North Carolina (those happen a lot), but today is different it's quite and its reflecting.

You can't ignore a heavy heart when it's all you can hear. I've prayed, I've cried, I've yelled, all in just 2 hours since I woke up..... You see I had some drama happen about a week ago and that hasn't helped on the heaviness of my heart. It took my favorite time of year and turned it in to a time I want to go away. I don't want to do anything and I surely don't want to be around anyone.

This is extremely hard when you are a mom and wife and a full time student oh and you have a business. I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. The pain and the heartache I'm feeling isn't something that happens often these days and instead of having a "Merry Christmas Time", I for the first time feel very "humbug-ish".

So, I am taking this much needed self reflection time and with everything I have I will pull myself out of this slump, because I don't have a choice, but also because I'm missing out my time of year and ruining it for everyone else!

Just remember that you can't ignore a heavy heart and when you do it just makes things that much more difficult.

<3

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My Story

At the beginning of the year I was having health issues. I felt "full" all the time, I had no idea what was happening, but it was causing me to not eat because I just felt like I couldn't fit anymore in. I finally caved and went to the doctor, she told me I have IBS, gave me some meds and told me to eat a bland diet. I am not only over weight (because of sugar and caffeine), I am from the south and so anything "good" is bad and that's just a general rule of thumb. 

I wasn't raised like that, my mom raised us on chicken and salad, almost always that's what was for dinner. I wasn't told I couldn't eat so I never binged and there was never bad choices in the house so everything I decided to eat was always a healthy option. Once I married my husband I kind of went on a binge of "I could never have this and so I'm going to eat all of it!"....... I gained 50 pounds of what I call "marriage weight", a year after we were married we found out we were having our first child, I was 180 pounds at 5'4". When I delivered I was 216.4 and almost instantly went straight back to 180 after giving birth. I did nothing to try and loose weight after having my first child, my husband worked at night and I went to school, was a stay at home mom and quite frankly lazy. 

Baby #2 came along 2.4 years later, and I was over 200 pounds. I got all the way to 230 pounds before I saw something that changed my outlook..... I was getting dressed one day and noticed in the mirror that I had stretch marks UNDER MY ARMS..... Who does this happen too? ME. I can't say that I immediately changed then because I didn't. Two months after baby #2 turned ONE, dad was deployed to Afghanistan and I was a "single mom" for the first time. (I use quotations for that because I was not a single mom, but I was alone and mom.) 

It actually took waking up in the middle of the night not being able to breath for me to decide it had to change, but even that didn't push me the way it should have. I had felt myself stop breathing long enough that it woke me up and I was the ONLY parent there to take care of my kids, but it wasn't ENOUGH.  I signed up for weight watchers and lost give or take 10-20 pounds. I was still over 200, but not 230. Once, dad got back life went back to normal and weight wasn't an issue. I just kinda stayed where I was going up and down some. 

December of 2012, dad left again this time for Japan. We moved home to my moms house and I can't say it was the best decision, but it's in the past and so none of that matters. I got a personal trainer, I ate right and lost weight. I was 186 when I saw my husband 8 months later! It was the best I had felt in I don't know how MANY years. Then I went back to my mom's packed everything up and moved me and the kids to NC (new duty station and the husband wouldn't be there for 3 weeks!) 

You guessed it.... I gained it all back! Then after Christmas I was back to 196 and I was so HAPPY. Things were finally going in the right direction. But for some reason I decided I was going to quit smoking I just had an overwhelming feeling that January 2014 was the time to quit smoking. I did it, it wasn't easy and I did use Chantix, I had a few slips, but it has been almost 3 months and I haven't smoked at all. At the same time I decided to do this we were snowed in..... You guessed it I was back to 225..... 

I have lost almost 20 pounds, and I have found some awesome support systems. In places I didn't think I had support I've learned I do have support and I've created an awesome plan. Gym 4 days a week and eating to a T..... I will take this ONE day at a time.... That's the smallest goal make it one day at a time, one good decision at a time, one victory at a time..... The bigger goal is 10 pounds a months, biggest goal being 40 pounds by Christmas. 

Tomorrow morning I will take my measurements, take my pictures and weigh myself. I will do this at the beginning of every month. I will do my best to keep the blog updated with my journey, come the middle of August though I will be in school again full time with online and full time classes so just be patient I may not blog everyday, but I will be blogging keeping you updated and hoping to become an inspiration to at least one out there. We need to start uplifting each other! 

And there you have it that's my story..... Nothing except bad decisions on my part, past actions effecting future goals. I've never been pregnant and NOT over weight.... I want that one day and so the weight loss almost has a time limit on it. Abuse in my past, by myself and those who were suppose to protect me have affected how I see myself and feel about myself today. I'm working through it all and it very much is a mental, physical and emotional journey and it has not been easy, but I'm working on it. As the wonderful FitNix would say "Progress, Not Perfection!" 

Fitness

Hello everyone! :) 

                        So we are getting to know each other (or rather y'all are getting to know me!). Every time I start a fitness journey or anything really that will be EPIC once completed; seems to throw these insane obstacles at me. About a year and a half ago I found two people on Facebook, Busy Mom Gets Fit and FitNix. These women were incredible the things they could do and the way they looked. I had to know more and so I've followed, bought workout guides, and done a ton of research. Along the way my husband deployed, we moved across the country my oldest son started school all of these things were happening at what felt like the same time. 

In 6 months I dropped roughly 20 pounds in three months of moving and getting settled into our new house it was all back on. Another three months and I was ten pounds away from where I started when we moved. After Christmas, I made the decision to hang up my smoking cap, I QUIT smoking. Not alone, I used Chantix and counseling and I slipped and there were days that's all that helped, but it is July 25th and I can say that it has been ten weeks since I had a smoke and I feel great. Unfortunately, I gained almost 20 pounds after that. 

To be fair I quit smoking, we had a snow storm and I couldn't leave my house and it was cold so I ate any and everything..... not an excuse I know..... 

Then life just got away from me and I've manage to loose some weight and keep it off. I joined an amazing group that busy mom gets fits and fitnix started and two weeks in I literally walked a hole in my shoe, giving myself a blister and making it impossible to walk. Then four days later I was bit by something (I have no idea what) and I was forced to go to the ER and was pretty much bed ridden for a week. I've been thinking about all of this though and recently I watched an old episode of Extreme Weight Loss, and Chris Powell said something that really struck a cord with me. (It's not a direct quote lol) To the effect of, the more you try to do something great the more the universe will throw at you. On that episode I watched this 400+ man get inured numerous times and he NEVER gave up. 

Right then it clicked, if I stop and quit every time something happens (injury or not) I will never finish and I will forever be starting over. And so I have decided that no matter what I will be working out and eating right. It's time to kick this habit and what I've done to myself. I will try to be sharing workouts, victories, fails and food on here as much as I can, but my life is busy so we will see! ;) 

I aspire to look and built very much like FitNix who has become an inspiration to me. Just because I'm a mom and wife and student doesn't mean I can't find time to be healthy too. And so that's what I'm doing and I'm hoping you'll join me on this journey. The biggest problem in the female community is that we don't support each other enough.... I'm here to support ANYONE who needs it! And hopefully by next year I'll be looking more mean and lean!! 

Apollo, the Great Dane!

I've told you all we adopted a Great Dane he is now 11 weeks old and doing great by the way!

Matt and I looked at a lot of dogs before we adopted Apollo and I say adopted because even though we paid for him (from a pet store) we have adopted him into our family. It wasn't long ago I saw the post about how a dog is in our lives for such a short part of it, but we are THEIR WHOLE LIVES.... I don't know how long any of my dogs will be around, but I will give them the best homes possible and the best life I can. 

We saw some dogs at the humane society.... they were all so happy (it was weird actually) and Apollo was so scared and so miserable..... After a couple weeks of thinking on it we just knew.... And it fits our world so perfectly.... Do yourself a favor and adopt a dog.... They aren't here long and they deserve the very best life possible! 

But remember only adopt if you have the time to give otherwise don't do it. 

Normal....

So, last week I was outside with the family and I was eaten ALIVE by these horrible yellow flies!!! :( I went to the gym the next day and while walking on the treadmill I got a blister.... I literally burned a hole in my shoe! :( It was turning out to be a BAD week, but then I spent all day Saturday out and about with my family and at the end of the day we adopted a 9 week old Great Dane! I was feeling much better and couldn't wait to head to the gym the next day!

Woke up Sunday morning to find I had been bit by something, we don't know what and they can't tell me what it was, I was given Antibiotics and told to ice it and take Benadryl..... I've spent the week drugged up on Benadryl and having a an ice pack with me.... I'm still taking antibiotics but have cut back on the Benadryl since the itching is dying down.

Monday my youngest had an appointment that took all of a few seconds and had results that weren't what I wanted or expected, but we will deal with it as it comes. Tuesday, we ran, we paid the water bill, we grocery shopped, we picked up medicine, we had a few more errands to take care of then we came home. I couldn't nap because I had a sleep study that night and so I hurried and drank my soda (before noon lol) and went on about my day I prepared for my sleep study and I left.

The sleep study (won't have results till end of August), was horrible! I couldn't fall asleep and then once I did I was out! I woke up in a panic, probably because I remembered I hadn't fallen asleep in my house in my bed. And you'll be surprised to learn it wasn't the 20 wires all over me that bothered me it was the heart rate monitor! You know the one that clips on your index finger! UGH!

But, that was over and so Wednesday turned out to be a rainy day and we all just relaxed and had a lazy day I got some much needed sleep and was so glad that Thursday I would be back to normal. Then the puppy (Apollo) woke me up at 4:24AM on Thursday.... and of course I fell asleep on the couch and slept for the next 2 hours (7:30AM).... I then forced myself to get up and do the dishes, the laundry and some organizing. I got a lot done and then decided I WAS going to the gym.... It was a short workout, but I worked my legs and I feel so much better! I'll be making time for the gym as often as I can. The goal is AT LEAST 3 days a week, but 5-6 would be preferred!

Until next time guys!

Our first summer!

Last year was our first year with a school aged child and he attended a year round school. (One of the many reasons I picked his school and the neighbor we live in because it WAS year round.)

We get a letter only weeks before school is to get out and a 4 week summer just turned into an 11 week summer with not much planned and a terrified mom. I am always so worried that my kids will make my same mistakes, not take school seriously enough. Boy, if i could go back..... I can't and so my redemption is to make sure my kids do their absolute best in school and grow up to have an absolutely amazing life.

I never want them to struggle the way I've had to struggle. It was GREAT life experience and I am so glad I have lived the life I have, but I don't want that for them. I want, like so many others I'm sure, to be able to just speak to my kids and they get it and they do it.... Will it happen? Probably not, but I will try because it's what they deserve.

Summer on the other hand is slowly but surely coming to an end these days and before I know it I will be the PROUD mom of a 1st grader!! I'm nervous for him to go to school and I'm nervous for me to finsh my last year. 8 years in the making and I am going to graduate with an Associates come May. I'm so excited I just can't even believe it, but it's gonna take a lot of hard work to get it done too and that I'm nervous about!

So, anyone else have kids that are starting school or going back to school?

Wow the changes!

I'm so sorry I've been absent, like I've said my life is crazy busy, but it's starting to slow down and I'm more than ready for that. I have so many things I can't wait to do once I have all this free time!!

So, what has been happening, lots of SNOW and ICE..... it held us inside and unable to go ANYWHERE twice in one year and I hear that it might happen again! Not normal for here and so unwanted!! The first time it was wonderful to get out and play and take pictures, after that it needs to leave. It would be different if it were suppose to happen, but it shouldn't happen where it isn't suppose to happen!

Next thing, I quit smoking.... OFFICIALLY..... I've went so long with it my husband says I quit and I guess I believe him even though EVERY single day I fight with the urge to not do it. I'm old enough so it isn't like I can't hop in the car and go get some! At first it was a huge struggle so I ate.... EVERYTHING I could find and I gained..... TEN POUNDS in 17 DAYS! I'm telling you putting weight on is no joke and takes NO WORK..... AT ALL.... Now, I'm working my butt off to get it and an extra 60 pounds OFF.

Okay, let's be honest I don't know how much I will loose or need to loose I may be happy 50 pounds lighter and a lot stronger, I am not out to be SKINNY..... I want to be strong so 50 pounds from now or 80 pounds from now.... I will know when I get there.

So, I've started a wonderful cross fit program (that I do not think is for beginners, but I'm doing it anyway (as much as I can and learning). I know that I am flat footed and over pronate when I run so today I'm heading to the store with my youngest son and getting some compression socks and insoles to see if that'll help before I spend $120 on shoes.... Yes, shoes that I will run and sweat in and ruin..... $120.... I can't stomach that since normally I pick up 10 pairs of the $1.50 flip flops and I will wear them all year lol

Anyways, I will write more later just wanted to check in and let you know I'm still here just finishing these last couple of BUSY weeks and then I'll be doing much more around here!! :)

Mini Peach Cobblers.

If you have not made this.... Finish reading and then stop and GO MAKE THEM!!! 

For two years I saw this recipe and was like "Oh I am gonna make those".....

I NEVER DID and now I am soooo mad at myself!!!

HEAVEN in a little muffin cup and ONLY 100 calories!!! ;)

Mini Peach Cobbler Recipe:

Preheat oven to 350˚F.

Ingredients: 

1 cup sugar
1 cup flour
2 tsp baking powder
a dash of salt
3/4 cup milk
1 stick of melted butter
brown sugar
cinnamon
1 can diced peaches

Directions:

Put 1 tsp of melted butter into each regular size muffin tin.

Combine the first 5 ingredients by hand… sugar, flour, baking powder, salt and milk.

Put 2 tbsp of batter into each regular size muffin tin… on top of the melted butter.

Then put 1 tbsp diced peaches on top of the batter.

Sprinkle with brown sugar and then cinnamon.

Bake the regular size muffin tins for 12 minutes.

Let them cool almost completely before taking out of pan.

I do not know where this recipe came from or who to give credit to if you know please let me know it was a wonderful delight and PERMEANT part of my recipes now!!

I promise it won't disappoint.... GO MAKE IT!!!! :D

Lazy days.....

Ever have those days where you stay in your pajamas cuddled up on the couch watching whatever you can find and you don't even want to get up to go pee?

I've had too many of those in a row.... We enjoyed our break it was the best break we've had actually. We decorated, cooked, baked, made arts and crafts, played watched movies (two days in fact on the couch doing nothing but watching movies and taking breaks for tickle fights!). We played outside, we went places.... It's was wonderful, and then my husband went back to work and it rained the WHOLE day..... And now it's ice cold (or what I consider ice anyway).... It's suppose to get to 21 tonight and see we've lived here before, but we moved to Arizona for 3 years and although the 120 degree weather was hard to get use to it is now in my bones..... And with the cold or rain I want to stay on the couch doing nothing but drinking coffee and being on Pinterest.... That unfortunately can not happen any longer than it has. 

This weekend I have many things I need to do.... Hard things.... My husband is in the military and just recently we found out he is getting promoted and this will be my life for another 12 years. So, in my year of 2013 during soul searching and what not I realized I can no longer live like I own my house or will be in any one place for longer than a few years. So, now I have lots of organizing and purging to do. For me the purging is hard because I no longer live in either house I brought my boys home to or where they did all their first (one of them has actually been torn down!) I hold on to everything. It's my life so I've been slowly getting rid of things and taking slow because it hurts. Tomorrow I think is the last purging I have inside my house. It will be hard and long, but I know it will be worth it and I have found ways to keep those memories without keeping the junk. 

I also plan on sharing an awesome recipe or two with you guys and maybe a post on what I do to keep my memories without the clutter! ;) 

Mod Podge and DIY Canvas!

So, I actually got some pretty great photos taken on Christmas we were all dressed up and some were goofy and some were serious. I wanted to order prints for birthday (which is 4 days after Christmas).... I started looking and I decided Canvas Prints are better for my life. We move a lot and the glass of picture frames gets old after you've lost 20+ of them due to moving and no one understanding how you should pack a truck. Well, canvas prints can run you $70-$170 depending on what size and for a decent print. 

I headed over to Pinterest to find an easy cheaper way of making these great photos. Something that without a doubt will be able to live through my life..... 

I came across MANY tutorials and I combed through google and did lots of research before I dare to try it. I ordered my pictures from MPIX, they have wonderful quality prints for a decent price, fast shipping (if you want it) and you can choose to not let them edit your edits. 

I paid a little over $30 for a 4x6, 5x7 and TEN 8x10's. That included $14 for 1 day shipping, because I didn't want to wait 5-10 days and it was my birthday. 

I went to Michael's who was having a sale and got TEN 8x10 canvases for $12.99, Mod Podge for almost $9.00, but had a 50% of coupon for that.

I then went to Walmart and bought 3 2oz bottles of acrylic paint (black) I wasn't sure how much I was going to need, but they were .57cents a piece so it wasn't a big deal and I wound up using 1/4 of one bottle. A pack of 4 sponge brushes, for .97cents. 

My total wound up being- $57.03

For TEN canvas prints and two photos that I put in frames I bought at T.J. Maxx for $8.00.

I started by painting the edges and a little on the front of the canvases black. I let them dry for 24 hours and this was before my pictures got here because I didn't want to wait lol 

The next day after they were dry I cut my pictures just a little because the prints are just a little too big to fit perfect on the canvas, then I put Mod Podge all over the canvas, laid the photo on it and made sure there weren't any bubbles or anything. Then I Mod Podged all over the front of the picture.... Deep Breath your beautiful prints have creamy white Mod Podge (Matte kind not glossy) all over them..... It dries clear so don't worry!

After letting them dry for another 24 hours they were not creamy, but looked amazing and were sealed and glued..... I couldn't wait to hang them up.... So I did!

This clock I already had and I bought the "decal" when we moved here in July. I placed all the photos around the clock and the decal and we LOVE IT. It's a beautiful feature wall in our living room and really captures what I have tried to do with my family! I have BIG plans in the future to make these as Christmas gifts and more. It's so easy and not expensive at all. I could make TEN gifts for $50.... You can't beat that! If you have any questions feel free to comment and ask! I hope you will share pictures of your DIY Canvas Prints too! :)

Happy New Year!

So, 2013 is gone and yet another year is upon us. 2014.... sounds weird and I still can't get over that I was born in one century and I will die in another. The picture above I found this morning someone had posted it on Facebook, I think my mother-in-law and I stole it! ;) I learned this last year, somewhere through the mess and the chaos of 2013 I found myself. Who I am, what I want, what's important to ME and it didn't matter if ANYONE liked it. We get ONE life in which we will do everything we will ever do.... I do not want to get to that point where I'm dying and reminisce on all the things I did because I thought I was SUPPOSE to do them. I want to die knowing I did everything I wanted to do and all that I believe I should do. Like I said in the last blog though I am not making resolutions, I'm making goals..... simple sentences on small sheets of paper that are attainable and nothing I don't want to do. More on that in a moment though.

We went to a little New Year's party last night, I had fun, but the kids and the husband had more fun. We go home around 10pm and my oldest went to bed! I rang in the New Year with my hubby, my fur babies and my youngest baby. It wasn't the most fun or exciting, but it was what I wanted. We have agreed though we are going to have to start trying to go home on New Year's. It's not the same without family and we usually spend every New Year's with his side of the family. I didn't have but one or two drinks and that was fine. I didn't have a hangover today either. I was tired, but that's because my bedtime is closer to 9 or 10 not midnight haha

Now, back to the goals. I want to loose 60 pounds, I want to become pregnant again and get ready to welcome the madness that I LOVE back into our world. (It wasn't until last year that I realized what makes me crazy is exactly what I want and love.) I want to build many things a HUGE farm house table is first on the list hopefully to be built in February. I want to go places and see things (we have plans to go to DisneyWorld towards the end of this year). I want to be actively involved in my life..... Present.... Not always worrying or looking ahead.... Be here right now in this moment. The laughs and the cries will not always be here, I will not always be the one they want to tell the great moments to, and I will not always be the one who can fix the boo boo's. They tell me they are going to live down the street from me and come see me everyday when they get older, but I know they won't. If they do fantastic, but I want them to grow up and find love and have their own family and I know once that happens they will be busy. 

Being here and being present is the greatest gift I can give them, I will stress and worry when I sleep because they are sleeping and so I'm not missing anything but their beautiful and not so beautiful dreams. 

I want to take a picture everyday this year a good wonderful perfect picture of everyday of 2014. I will have it turned into a beautiful book that I will call 365 moments of 2014.... One year. It's so long yet so short and you don't realize how short until you have children. Then you start to see the moments pass and somewhere between the good, bad and in between they grow up. I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old (he will be 4 in 3 months and 9 days). I believe it's all went so fast that we've had so many wonderful and heartbreaking moments in the short 7 years I've been blessed enough to be a mother. 

So, I guess what all this nonsense is about is being present. Try it to actually live in the moment everyday or even for just a couple hours everyday. I've noticed so much in the 3 weeks I've made an effort to do it. And I never realized how much I missed and how much I can see when I'm quiet and I pay attention and listen. 

I also did a project the last few days of last year (still weird).... I will post all about tomorrow! 

Happy New Year everyone!