Christmas?

Boy I will tell you, when I lived in Alabama almost as far deep south as you can go I never once complained of the "heat" on Christmas or the rain it was just what it was and that is just how it was. 

When I lived in Arizona in the middle of the desert almost in Mexico I never complained of the 75 degree sunny Christmas day and the very cold 30 something degree night that almost instantly followed. 

But when I moved to North Carolina..... NORTH...... I expected something more than Mother Nature is giving me this year.... Last year this time we were so cold we almost couldn't stand it and we got coffee and hot chocolate and we went and saw Christmas lights everywhere. 

BUT

This year its 70 something degrees here ------ there is snow in San Diego for the first time since 2008 and 1967 before then..... But here..... RAIN and 73 degree days..... I am not complaining that it doesn't feel like winter at all or Christmas for that matter. I'm simply wondering if this is Christmas from now on what the hell is happening out there and why aren't we trying to make it better? 

Are we really doing so much damage that our summers will be our winters and our winters our summer? And are we leaving this for our kids? Will I have to move to another country where it will be cold on Christmas? I'm not expecting or asking for a white Christmas being southern and still technically living in the South, but my goodness needing gloves and hat wouldn't hurt! 

So, now hopefully and maybe we will finally see Christmas lights tomorrow of Christmas eve and it is really tampering with our traditions I will tell you that! 

Until next time ~ One Crazed Momma 

Starting New.....

It's been one heck of a year and almost 2 years since I've posted..... I do however plan to write more often and about more things that matter. I have finished to associate degrees since writing this and have binged my way through almost 4 whole seasons of Gilmore Girls... My husband will leave in a  few months for a few months and then we will move again and we will all start new lives in a new place once again. There will be so much to post so follow along I promise you'll be glad you did! ;)

Merry Christmas Time.....

When your heart feels heavy, you have to stop and listen to it, I haven't. For a good week now when the opportunity appeared I ignored it, I pretended like I didn't hear it and for that I've paid. Today is a foggy, dreary day here in North Carolina (those happen a lot), but today is different it's quite and its reflecting.

You can't ignore a heavy heart when it's all you can hear. I've prayed, I've cried, I've yelled, all in just 2 hours since I woke up..... You see I had some drama happen about a week ago and that hasn't helped on the heaviness of my heart. It took my favorite time of year and turned it in to a time I want to go away. I don't want to do anything and I surely don't want to be around anyone.

This is extremely hard when you are a mom and wife and a full time student oh and you have a business. I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. The pain and the heartache I'm feeling isn't something that happens often these days and instead of having a "Merry Christmas Time", I for the first time feel very "humbug-ish".

So, I am taking this much needed self reflection time and with everything I have I will pull myself out of this slump, because I don't have a choice, but also because I'm missing out my time of year and ruining it for everyone else!

Just remember that you can't ignore a heavy heart and when you do it just makes things that much more difficult.

<3

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My Story

At the beginning of the year I was having health issues. I felt "full" all the time, I had no idea what was happening, but it was causing me to not eat because I just felt like I couldn't fit anymore in. I finally caved and went to the doctor, she told me I have IBS, gave me some meds and told me to eat a bland diet. I am not only over weight (because of sugar and caffeine), I am from the south and so anything "good" is bad and that's just a general rule of thumb. 

I wasn't raised like that, my mom raised us on chicken and salad, almost always that's what was for dinner. I wasn't told I couldn't eat so I never binged and there was never bad choices in the house so everything I decided to eat was always a healthy option. Once I married my husband I kind of went on a binge of "I could never have this and so I'm going to eat all of it!"....... I gained 50 pounds of what I call "marriage weight", a year after we were married we found out we were having our first child, I was 180 pounds at 5'4". When I delivered I was 216.4 and almost instantly went straight back to 180 after giving birth. I did nothing to try and loose weight after having my first child, my husband worked at night and I went to school, was a stay at home mom and quite frankly lazy. 

Baby #2 came along 2.4 years later, and I was over 200 pounds. I got all the way to 230 pounds before I saw something that changed my outlook..... I was getting dressed one day and noticed in the mirror that I had stretch marks UNDER MY ARMS..... Who does this happen too? ME. I can't say that I immediately changed then because I didn't. Two months after baby #2 turned ONE, dad was deployed to Afghanistan and I was a "single mom" for the first time. (I use quotations for that because I was not a single mom, but I was alone and mom.) 

It actually took waking up in the middle of the night not being able to breath for me to decide it had to change, but even that didn't push me the way it should have. I had felt myself stop breathing long enough that it woke me up and I was the ONLY parent there to take care of my kids, but it wasn't ENOUGH.  I signed up for weight watchers and lost give or take 10-20 pounds. I was still over 200, but not 230. Once, dad got back life went back to normal and weight wasn't an issue. I just kinda stayed where I was going up and down some. 

December of 2012, dad left again this time for Japan. We moved home to my moms house and I can't say it was the best decision, but it's in the past and so none of that matters. I got a personal trainer, I ate right and lost weight. I was 186 when I saw my husband 8 months later! It was the best I had felt in I don't know how MANY years. Then I went back to my mom's packed everything up and moved me and the kids to NC (new duty station and the husband wouldn't be there for 3 weeks!) 

You guessed it.... I gained it all back! Then after Christmas I was back to 196 and I was so HAPPY. Things were finally going in the right direction. But for some reason I decided I was going to quit smoking I just had an overwhelming feeling that January 2014 was the time to quit smoking. I did it, it wasn't easy and I did use Chantix, I had a few slips, but it has been almost 3 months and I haven't smoked at all. At the same time I decided to do this we were snowed in..... You guessed it I was back to 225..... 

I have lost almost 20 pounds, and I have found some awesome support systems. In places I didn't think I had support I've learned I do have support and I've created an awesome plan. Gym 4 days a week and eating to a T..... I will take this ONE day at a time.... That's the smallest goal make it one day at a time, one good decision at a time, one victory at a time..... The bigger goal is 10 pounds a months, biggest goal being 40 pounds by Christmas. 

Tomorrow morning I will take my measurements, take my pictures and weigh myself. I will do this at the beginning of every month. I will do my best to keep the blog updated with my journey, come the middle of August though I will be in school again full time with online and full time classes so just be patient I may not blog everyday, but I will be blogging keeping you updated and hoping to become an inspiration to at least one out there. We need to start uplifting each other! 

And there you have it that's my story..... Nothing except bad decisions on my part, past actions effecting future goals. I've never been pregnant and NOT over weight.... I want that one day and so the weight loss almost has a time limit on it. Abuse in my past, by myself and those who were suppose to protect me have affected how I see myself and feel about myself today. I'm working through it all and it very much is a mental, physical and emotional journey and it has not been easy, but I'm working on it. As the wonderful FitNix would say "Progress, Not Perfection!" 

Fitness

Hello everyone! :) 

                        So we are getting to know each other (or rather y'all are getting to know me!). Every time I start a fitness journey or anything really that will be EPIC once completed; seems to throw these insane obstacles at me. About a year and a half ago I found two people on Facebook, Busy Mom Gets Fit and FitNix. These women were incredible the things they could do and the way they looked. I had to know more and so I've followed, bought workout guides, and done a ton of research. Along the way my husband deployed, we moved across the country my oldest son started school all of these things were happening at what felt like the same time. 

In 6 months I dropped roughly 20 pounds in three months of moving and getting settled into our new house it was all back on. Another three months and I was ten pounds away from where I started when we moved. After Christmas, I made the decision to hang up my smoking cap, I QUIT smoking. Not alone, I used Chantix and counseling and I slipped and there were days that's all that helped, but it is July 25th and I can say that it has been ten weeks since I had a smoke and I feel great. Unfortunately, I gained almost 20 pounds after that. 

To be fair I quit smoking, we had a snow storm and I couldn't leave my house and it was cold so I ate any and everything..... not an excuse I know..... 

Then life just got away from me and I've manage to loose some weight and keep it off. I joined an amazing group that busy mom gets fits and fitnix started and two weeks in I literally walked a hole in my shoe, giving myself a blister and making it impossible to walk. Then four days later I was bit by something (I have no idea what) and I was forced to go to the ER and was pretty much bed ridden for a week. I've been thinking about all of this though and recently I watched an old episode of Extreme Weight Loss, and Chris Powell said something that really struck a cord with me. (It's not a direct quote lol) To the effect of, the more you try to do something great the more the universe will throw at you. On that episode I watched this 400+ man get inured numerous times and he NEVER gave up. 

Right then it clicked, if I stop and quit every time something happens (injury or not) I will never finish and I will forever be starting over. And so I have decided that no matter what I will be working out and eating right. It's time to kick this habit and what I've done to myself. I will try to be sharing workouts, victories, fails and food on here as much as I can, but my life is busy so we will see! ;) 

I aspire to look and built very much like FitNix who has become an inspiration to me. Just because I'm a mom and wife and student doesn't mean I can't find time to be healthy too. And so that's what I'm doing and I'm hoping you'll join me on this journey. The biggest problem in the female community is that we don't support each other enough.... I'm here to support ANYONE who needs it! And hopefully by next year I'll be looking more mean and lean!! 

Apollo, the Great Dane!

I've told you all we adopted a Great Dane he is now 11 weeks old and doing great by the way!

Matt and I looked at a lot of dogs before we adopted Apollo and I say adopted because even though we paid for him (from a pet store) we have adopted him into our family. It wasn't long ago I saw the post about how a dog is in our lives for such a short part of it, but we are THEIR WHOLE LIVES.... I don't know how long any of my dogs will be around, but I will give them the best homes possible and the best life I can. 

We saw some dogs at the humane society.... they were all so happy (it was weird actually) and Apollo was so scared and so miserable..... After a couple weeks of thinking on it we just knew.... And it fits our world so perfectly.... Do yourself a favor and adopt a dog.... They aren't here long and they deserve the very best life possible! 

But remember only adopt if you have the time to give otherwise don't do it.